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It was early.

Ben’s red hair appeared to be on fire in the pre-dawn light as he walked down the main corridor of the praxeum, headed for the hangar.

He’d made the decision a few short days ago to run off with Hallie on her foolish pirate adventures. While it seemed childish, it was better than being here, with ghosts haunting him round every corner and every time he closed his eyes. Every time he dared think about the past, whenever he looked across his bedroom toward where he’d once lied.

They made the decision to leave before everyone else had awakened. It would be easier that way; no questions, no prying, no one to try and change their minds. He hadn’t told his parents what he’d planned. They would only complain and coddle and refuse him. No, they didn’t need to know what he would be doing. He was nearly an adult anyway; he could make his own decisions. He wasn’t a baby, despite how they treated him.

Not saying goodbye would likely hurt his grandfather’s feelings, but he was confident that he would understand. He needed space. He needed time. He needed something that was different. There was no recovering for him here. Despite these thoughts, he did stop off briefly at his office, going to take a pen to paper and write a quick note.

‘Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. I just need time’

There. That would be good enough.

He trusted his grandfather to not search for him and to let him be. Besides, he’d know if something happened, even if Ben wasn’t able to feel it coming. He had every confidence in him. He could always depend on Grandpa Ani.

Returning to the hallway, he moved swiftly, wanting to hurry on before any of the early risers began to show their faces. He had one last corner left to turn, when he was met by a surprise.

Sammi stood there, blocking his path. It was unusual for her to be up at this hour. Because of that, he knew it was because she was expecting him. Likely she felt his departure and felt it was her duty to stop him. At times like this, he did miss his connection to the Force; sensing one’s motivations had always come in handy before and he wished he was still able to. Especially considering the vocation he was about to take on.

“You don’t have to do this, Ben.” She said softly, a furrow in her brow that was far too like his grandfather’s.

“I will do what I must.” He replied, his face impassive. He wouldn’t let her stop him from what he’d set out to do. It wasn’t her place to tell him this or that. He was his own person and he would make his own decisions, for the first time in his life. It struck him quietly how much he sounded like Grandpa Ben at that moment.

“... but you don’t have to. Running isn’t something you must do, Ben. How will you face your memories and recover when you won’t look them in the eye?”

“Looking at them is exactly what I intend on doing. It’s all I’ve been doing, Sammi. I can’t move on because that is all I’m doing. It’s cruel. And I won’t do it anymore.” Taking a step forward, he made to move past her, but she grabbed his arm in a surprisingly tight grip, leaning in. “Ben. This won’t solve anything. Annie knew his life would be short. But you? You’re destined for so much…”

He took pause, blue eyes narrowing as he absorbed her words.

“What do you mean he knew his life would be short?” Ben asked, voice turning low and cold. From the way Sammi averted her gaze and stepped back, releasing him, he knew. She didn’t have to answer him. “He knew. He knew this would happen. And so did you. And you didn’t do anything.”

Normally, he would feel enraged, consider this a betrayal, but he felt nothing welling up in him. It was a testament to how disconnected he’d become. He didn’t need his Force sensitivity to see her discomfort, her hesitation. But there was no guilt there. None at all. Did she have no remorse over Annie’s death?

“Of course I have remorse.” Sammi said quietly, sighing. “But it was the will of the Force, Ben. It was meant to happen and thus it did. He was meant to save you, by sacrificing his own life, so that you would live on and become a great Jedi.” “But there are no Jedi. I cannot become something that no longer exists, especially when it’s impossible for me now. I can train my body all I want but my mind is no longer connected. You know that. I don’t see why you continue to argue the point with me, rubbing in all that I can no longer do. Especially by invading my feelings as you just did.”

Sammi recoiled, but ever so faintly. His words struck her, yes, but his tone-- his absolute void of feeling. It was so cold and so lonely. He was in such pain, he just didn’t see it. “Oh, Ben…”

“You knew.” He repeated, cutting her off. “Have you told anyone else that you knew? Grandpa? My dad? How about Aunt Leia and Uncle Han? I think they’d like to know.” Slowly, he began circling her, eyes trained on her as if she were his prey. “They’d want to know about your betrayal. Grandpa would be sad, disappointed. Dad would be shocked, dismayed that you feel so little. It’s the apathy of the light, isn’t it? You just sit idly by and let things happen, even if you could have stopped them.” He gave pause here, letting that sink in before continuing, “... and Aunt Leia already dislikes you. She’s jealous of you. What do you think will happen when she finds out? Because she will, inevitably.”

The girl frowned, knowing that he was right. Ben was absolutely right. It was why she didn’t even try to argue with him. It was better for him to let this out now, than to hold on to it, even if it hurt her in the process.

“... then she’ll go from disliking you to outright hating you. She’s vengeful. We all know that. It’s no secret. When she finds out, she’ll come after you, and you had better be ready for the dangerous onslaught you will have to face. Then there’s Uncle Han. Even when Aunt Leia was mean to you, he was nice. But I wouldn’t expect that to last. He’ll probably hate you just as much as she will.”

He didn’t say these things to be unkind. Rather, they were simply the truth and he was stating it clear as day for her, seeing as how she didn’t seem to understand the ramifications of her actions or, rather, inactions.

Apparently, Sammi had nothing to say to that. So, he turned on his heel and began the last leg of his trek once again, when he heard her pipe up from behind him, “Ben--”

“Oh.” He interrupted, stopping in his tracks. “That’s right. I forgot about Grandpa Ben.”

Sammi had been about to follow him, but stopped at those words, feeling her blood run cold. He wasn’t finished yet. And she had the feeling that this one might hurt the most.

“... you were kind of a complication for him at first, weren’t you? It took him a long time to warm up, but he did, eventually. He welcomed you as his own child; though, he couldn’t embrace you fully, because of the relationship he had with Grandpa Ani. He was too defensive of him moving in on his children. Despite all of that you became so close. He’s more of a best friend to you. A much older best friend. And that’s why it was so easy, wasn’t it?”

His question startled her, blue eyes widening in disbelief. She hadn’t thought that this would come, she never guessed that this discussion would take such a direction. She bounced on her heels, as though tempted to run. Just run before he could voice her most secret feelings, make them known. She could ignore them so long as no one else ever acknowledged them. If he spoke those words, then it’d be real and she’d be so awful for feeling the way she did.

Luckily, Ben let that hang in the air, giving her a pointed look before abandoning her once again.

This time, she made no move to stop him.

One, two, three...

It was like a dance; with every step there was a sway to his hips as he swung his practice saber, spinning and leaping into the air, coming down in a roll, shifting into a crouch, then getting back to his feet. He continued, swinging his other arm now, wielding his second saber.

Every move was swift and precise, his eyes closed. Even without the Force, he was aware of his surroundings and didn’t need any extra senses. He had done this day in, day out. It was all second nature to him; every swipe, strike, jab, turn, flip. For hours, he would continue this, alone. His body was in prime condition. He had never felt so strong, so in control.

Finally opening his eyes, he looked up at the nearby clock and noted that it had been just over three hours. That would be good enough for today. Nodding faintly to himself, he replaced the practice sabers he’d borrowed and toweled off his face and bare torso. When he trained, he tended to wear only a pair of low-slung, well-fitted cotton pants. They were less restrictive than other garb his fellow students tended to sport.

Exiting his preferred training room, he padded down the hall in bare feet, not acknowledging any of those whom he passed. He never did and they had all grown used to this attitude by now. His room wasn’t far from here, and he was nearly home free when a familiar voice called to him.

“Ben!”

It was his Grandfather. His namesake.

Giving slight pause, Ben glanced back over his shoulder toward the much older man as he jogged over to catch up to him, flashing him a fond yet sad smile. It was always sad nowadays, when Grandpa Ben looked at him. He saw it in others as well, but he seemed to notice it most from this man.

“Good afternoon.”

Ah. Small talk. The ginger boy gave a curt nod and turned to continue on his way, completely uninterested.

But of course, that just meant Grandpa Ben would rush along to keep stride. He wasn’t even sure what he was going on about. Birthdays or something. Ben had never had the best sense of time, so he couldn’t think of whose birthday was coming up. It didn’t matter, anyway. He wouldn’t be participating in any dull festivities.

“... your mother would want you there, you know.”

Hm. If it was his mother he was bringing up, that meant only one thing:

“Dad knows I hate big celebrations.” Which was, honestly, a very recent development. He used to be able to enjoy them because he would pair up and sneak away with someone. That was no longer an option. “He won’t care if I miss his and Aunt Leia’s birthday. She hates celebrating it anyway.”

He could hear the frown in his grandfather’s voice as he spoke. “Now Ben, you know that it’s a day to celebrate their lives and they would appreciate your presence. Especially your Aunt. Especially this year.”

Blue eyes narrowed faintly, knowing precisely what he was getting at. Why she would need support, and why from him in particular. Shaking his head, he rounded the corner, nearly to his room, where he would be able to escape from all of this pestering. “I won’t be in attendance.” “But Ben--” “Do not make me repeat myself.”

His grandfather stopped, brow furrowed as he watched the ginger boy continue on in silence. Ben didn’t need his Force abilities to know how he’d hurt him with such a curt response. Things had been rocky around the praxeum lately.

For everyone...

Once in his room, he went about with showering the day’s training away, feeling himself in better spirits once he was clean. Well, he didn’t feel much of anything, but the load on his shoulders was a bit lighter. He made his way to the window, glancing out... there were children, students, all milling about. It was a warm day.

He remembered a time when he used to enjoy running around, playing, sparring out in the warm air. But those times were gone and would not again return. That was a life that was no longer his.

Closing his eyes, he let out a soft breath and slipped into a shallow meditation. There was a decision he needed to make. An offer he’d received. A very, very tempting one... an assignment that would take him off-planet, across the stars, as far as he could ever want to go and beyond. There would be new experiences and decent company.

Adventures, work, money.

A new life.

He had told Hallie he’d think about it, certain that she had made the offer rather seriously, despite the mischievous grin on her face at the time.

The more he thought about it now, the more he wondered why he hadn’t agreed immediately. Maybe because of the attachment he still held to his mother, because of a sense of loyalty to his family that was fading more and more with each passing day. Distance sounded so appealing. He would become a new person out with her. It didn’t matter to him that he would essentially be her sidekick.

He couldn’t live out his life here, day after day, cut off from the Force with everyone knowing, with everyone pitying him. The sadness he always saw in their eyes was too much to have to look at anymore. It wasn’t fair that while he tried to forget and move on, everyone else had to constantly remind him of the things he had lost, of what he’d become.

No more.

His decision was made. He would tell Hallie at dinner.

Then, they’d go from there.

How many days had it been?

The blue skies had turned dark, the clouds had opened and there had been non-stop rain in the normally blissful Summer season.

It was like even the planet knew, and was weeping with the rest of them.

Glancing from the window, Ben turned his attention to the calendar on the wall, noting that while it had felt like at least a week had passed him by, it had been only two days. It was still so fresh, yet he couldn’t quite connect his feelings. His heart had been as grey as the weather, not yet dark but not at all light. Clouded and unfeeling.

There was a numbness inside of him that encapsulated his senses, preventing him from reaching out. It caused a disconnect between himself and the Force, making him a shell of what he was. Ben didn’t mind, though. If he couldn’t feel Annie, then he didn’t want to feel anything at all.

Even lying in their old shared room, on Annie’s bed, there was nothing. His sensitivity locked away, he was left with the senses of a normal person. He could feel the slightly rough sheets that Annie didn’t particularly like but didn’t want to complain about, there was a stray hair here or there, and his scent still lingered. Normally, he probably would have considered such a thing to be comforting, but now he thought that maybe it was time to clear it all away.

Were they to try, however, he knew he’d stop them.

Aunt Leia couldn’t bring herself to go into their room yet, and his parents had insisted on getting him a different room, but he had declined. He would stay here, and request that no one replace Annie as his roommate. He doubted his grandfather would object.

It was only within the last few hours he’d been able to get some time to himself. His parents had been so worried about him, refusing to leave him. Especially his mother. It was suffocating. He never used to mind it before -- he’d liked it even -- but now he wanted anything but that sort of closeness. Annie had been the only person he’d been close to, on a more personal level, and now that he was gone he didn’t want to share that bond with anyone else. He wanted to preserve his memories of their times together and those feelings he’d had. The happiness.

It all seemed so distant.

He hadn’t attended any classes, opting to keep to himself. They had tried to keep a sense of normalcy going, having lessons resume as scheduled after a day of mourning. He hadn’t told anyone yet that he wasn’t able to do any of it anymore. Use the Force. They would make a big deal of it, he knew, but he didn’t really care. It just wasn’t a confrontation that he had any interest in having. Everyone would treat him like he was a broken toy. Cracked, fragile, losing its value.

Especially his father. Thinking back to their private lessons, to how he taught him to accept the negativity that came his way, no matter what it was, and work through it. Not to block it out. For some reason, they had specifically touched on that, and he knew how disappointed his father would be upon realizing that he hadn’t been able to do so. It was a reaction that came almost instantly upon Annie fading in his arms. Along with him left his connection to the Force.

The more he thought about it, the more he realized how useless this made him.

So many of his classes were Force-related, learning different techniques. Why bother with them if he couldn’t do any of it? But then if he dropped those classes and continued with academics and lightsaber tactics, everyone would know about his lack of ability. They would look on him with pity, or perhaps even mocking. There would be no hiding his weakness.

What could he do, then? What was he, without that aspect of himself?

Maybe Jacen was right. Maybe he was just a dumb crybaby that couldn’t do anything for himself.

Weak.

… that was something he could change.

While he was disconnected from the Force, that didn’t mean he couldn’t train his body. Even normal people could be strong. Uncle Han was normal and he seemed to get by just fine, without any sort of help. He’d proven himself capable of taking care of himself and others many times. If his uncle could do it, why couldn’t he?

Strength training instead of Force training... it would be difficult to adjust, but he was confident he could do it. He was resolved to make something of himself, something that may not be as great as he could have been, but a great person nonetheless. A warrior. He would view this as only a minor setback and come out of it a new person.

… but the memory of Annie would always weigh on him.

He wished that he could move on and be happy. He knew that’s what Annie would want for him, but he didn’t have that kind of strength in him. What had happened was his fault. The rest of his life, he would look back on and think of all the ways he could have saved him. All the things he could have done in that moment. All the ways he should have died in his place.

There was a way, he realized, that he could look back on what happened and do just that. When his father had him learn that chilling technique, he hadn’t liked it at all. Somehow, despite his disconnect, he knew that he would be able to use that power to once again live that tragic moment.

Life would be cold. It would be lonely. But for Annie, he would live it. Somehow, he would find the strength within him to carry on alone, keeping his memory closed up in his heart. He wouldn’t rely on others; he wouldn’t be weak again, letting that carefree attitude that he once had blind him to the bleakness of his existence.

He decided.

The moment he felt it was right, that he couldn’t learn any more, he would leave the praxeum, and not a moment later. He didn’t belong anymore, unwilling to form relationships or bond with others, even his classmates. Even those he had considered his friends. There would be no more friendship, no more laughter. Those were things he had shared with Annie, and he would put them to rest as well.

Slowly, Ben pushed himself up in bed and he slid off of it, getting to his feet. It was time to stop moping. He had work to do. It was time to get to training. The sooner he began, the sooner he would be able to leave this place and his past behind. There was no value to this life anymore. He didn’t belong. No one could help him now, though he knew they would try and try. He wouldn’t live out his life being coddled and cared for.

It was time to be his own person. It was time to grow up.

"I don't like this."

"You can do it, Ben. Calm yourself, let go of your feelings. Release your humanity and feel the flow of the Force around you. Let its current sweep you away, but listen to my voice. It shall be your tether."

Ben squeezed his eyes shut, feeling a tremor run through him as he tried so hard to do what his father said. It was so hard though. This power, this strange technique frightened him. He wish he knew why his father suddenly wanted him to learn it.

It started days ago when out of the blue, he'd been asked if he wanted to go on a fishing trip. Just the two of them! While he'd been wary of him lately, Ben thought his father was finally starting to get back to normal, so he'd happily agreed.

However, while they had packed their gear and shipped off, they hadn't gone to any of their usual spots. Instead he'd been taken far off to the edges of the Outer Rim. Ben had never traveled so far before that he could remember. They were picked up by a ship of monks called the Aing-Tii. He was curious as to how his father knew about them but hadn't the time to ask.

They were taken in and treated well enough. His father told him that they were a Force-sensitive race that studied the Force not just in Light and Dark but every aspect of its spectrum.

Ben had the greatest potential, as his son, he'd been told. There was no better place for him to learn new abilities than amongst these ancient monks.

He'd been quite skeptical, of course, but he would never refuse his father. He thought that out of them all it was Sammi or Annie with the most to contribute to the galaxy, with their talent, knowledge, and beauty. Ben considered himself to be plain; no smarter or stronger or better than the average boy.

His father wouldn't allow him to voice such thoughts, deciding that Ben needed to open himself to the Force and learn new abilities, ones that the others couldn't dream of. Ones his grandfather may not even be privy to.

And that's how he ended up here with his father, trying his hand at something impossible. You couldn't look back in time, the thought of it was ridiculous and every time he tried to let go of himself like he had been instructed, he felt so cold and alone. There was too much stimulation, all the sights and thoughts. He could swear he could even smell perfume... the same that Auntie Leia wore, but he was trying to go back way further than when his aunt and father were even born.

He caught a glimpse of kind eyes every time before he pulled away...

They were like Auntie Leia's but he knew it couldn't be her.

"I want to stop." Ben said, voice soft as he was kicked back to himself again. He doubled over where he was sitting, feeling overwhelmed and sick. It was just too much for him, he couldn't--

Sighing lightly, Luke crouched in front of him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Very well. I can't force you to keep going. Rest tonight, meditate, stabilize yourself and we'll start again tomorrow if you feel ready."

Oh, good. He was so worried that his father would be angry with him. The opportunity to rest was a great relief and he managed a smile as he looked up at his father, seeing that smile returned.

"Come on, then! Baby boy needs his nappytime~" Without any other warning, Luke swept Ben effortlessly up into his arms and began to carry him off, rocking him on the way. "Rock-a-bye Benny, on the treetopppp~!"

"No, stop, Daaaaad! I'm not a baby!" Though his pout said otherwise. He reached up and clasped a hand over his mouth to shush him, but squeaked when his father licked his hand in retaliation. "EEEEWWW DAAAAAAD! GROSS!"

With a laugh, Luke swung his boy over his shoulder and settled him on his back, thinking that would be at least slightly less emasculating. "There we go. Better, little buddy?"

"MUCH better." Ben agreed, settling his arms around his father's neck as he was carried. "I might fall asleep though..." "You always fall asleep. You get that from me. All of your raw Force energy exhausts you. Grandpa has the same issue, but he has a stronger sense of duty than we do so he manages to ignore it when hr wants to." Laughing, Luke smiled fondly, thinking how funny it was that the Skywalker boys were all so similar.

The Solo boy, though...

With how like their father Leia was, it was surprising to him how Jacen wasn't much like any of them. A mix of Leia and Han's qualities, sure, but it was all of Leia's bad and Han's good.

And Han's good weren't really all that 'good'...

"Stop thinking of that jerk, he bums me out." "You shouldn't think so ill of your cousin, Ben." "Why? He's a mean jerk that made me dress up like a girl."

Luke faltered in his steps then, surprised. "Wait wait wait, it was Jacen that did that?" "Yeah, he said I was the only one girly enough to go undercover and help the girls." "Wow." A pause. "Let's keep that from your mother or you'll be down a cousin."

Huh. Ben hadn't thought of that. Maybe he should--

"Ben Skywalker, if youre going to have dastardly thoughts, you had best learn to hide them better."

Oops. "Uh.. yeah, okay Dad. Got it."

They traveled the rest of the short distance to their bunks, where Luke sat Ben down on the bed. "There we go. You take care, I'm going to go talk to the monks about your progress today. Maybe we can find a way to make it easier for you."

"Okay, thanks Dad." "And Ben?" "Yeah?"

A beat.

"You should learn to hide your romantic thoughts, too. They might upset someone if they're not ready for it." With that, he was gone, leaving Ben with a beet-red face, mouth hanging open in shock.

That was definitely NOT how he wanted his Dad to find out.

And he couldn't just let him walk off after that either, what the heck!

Jumping up from the bed, he ran out the door and grabbed his father, who hadn't gotten very far quite yet. "Hang on a sec! Don't just-- I mean, you can't drop a bombshell like that and leave!"

"I'm the one dropping the bombshell?" Luke asked, though not unkindly. Turning, he ruffled his boy's hair and smiled down at him. "I take it you want to talk about it, then? That's fine. We can." The boy had a temper like Mara's, so it was best to satiate it before he blew up.

"Good." Ben grabbed his father's hand and pulled him back into the room, going to sit with him on the bed and... fidget. He may have wanted to talk about it but now that he had the opportunity he didn't really know what to say.

"... I loved your Auntie Leia."

Well. That certainly broke the ice on the topic.

"What? Really? Like--that way?" Ben mentally kicked himself for how childish that sounded. His father gave a light nod. "I still do. We're very close. Neither of us had many friends when we were young... Leia was a queen at such a young age. She couldn't just regress and be a child again, have friends her own age, though she tried so hard."

The younger Skywalker nodded, curious, listening intently as his father continued. "I was shy. So very shy and I thought it was more important to bond with my family than make friends, though I wasn't very good at either. I was bullied a lot, after moving here. Daddy's boy needed little sister to protect him and other taunts like that. So neither of us had anyone to grow close to but each other."

Huh. Somehow that really made sense. Ben and Annie had just always been close. Mom said once that when he and Annie met as little babies they took each other's hand and wouldn't let go. Maybe they kinda bonded somehow already! Maybe in the Force before they were born.

"... we never told Grandpa anything because really there wasn't anything to tell. Nothing came of it, not that we tried. I just want you to know, Ben, that I understand. And it's okay." He reached out, ruffling his fiery hair again. "You're our children. Besides, with namesakes like yours it's like we were asking for it."

They both laughed at that.

“Okay. Well. Thanks for telling me... I guess I’ll keep you updated on it or something. I mean I might not even have to say anything to Mom or anyone because I haven’t even talked to Annie. But I will. When I can figure out what to say.” Letting out a sigh, Ben rubbed his face, feeling so overwhelmed by everything, but thankful for his father. It was comforting to know that he knew and had been through something similar. It gave him hope.

“Even if things don’t go the way you want them to, it won’t be bad. Because Annie would never turn his back on you and you’d still be the best of friends. Isn’t that right?” “Yeah!” Ben said, perking up at the thought. Of course! Even if he said no, he didn’t think his cousin would ever be mean or even weird about any of it. It wasn’t in his character and they were very best friends. He’d understand and let him down gently and never have a single mean thought about it.

“Alright.” Luke leaned in and took Ben briefly into his arms, giving him a squeeze and his temple a kiss. “Now that you have even more things to meditate on, I’m going to leave you to it. If you need me, just come running after me again, okay? I’ll always turn around and come back to you.”

Nodding, Ben returned his father’s hug and smiled, giving him a little wave this time as he went out the door.

It was settled.

The next time he saw Annie, he’d let him know everything! How he felt and what he wanted... because the worst that could happen was being turned down. But that was still okay because they’d always be close friends.

There was nothing to be afraid of!

"Hey, Annie?"

"Yes, Ben?"

"How many stars are there, do you think? Up in the sky right now, I mean."

Ben turned to look at his companion, seeing that Annie was giving him that bemused look he always did when he thought he said something particularly funny. "I don't know. How many do you think there are?"

"Hmm."

The two were seated outside on a grassy hill, overlooking the lake. The sky above them was dark, save for the tiny nodes of light speckling it all over. It was a moonless night, so there were even more than usual to see.

"I guess... one for everyone." "Everyone?" Annie didn't sound skeptical, simply curious. Ben liked that he always listened to him, even if what he was saying was kind of silly.

"Yeah. One for everyone out there. Everyone has their own special star. When those people die, their star burns even brighter, shining its light on everyone left behind. It guides them and watches over them until they're strong enough to be on their own. Then, it burns out and rejoins the Force, just like its person did."

Smiling, he tilted his head slightly at his friend, blue eyes bright and happy. "What do you think?"

He could always tell when he surprised Annie. He got this funny eyebrow tweak and he looked like he just ate a bug. That look faded shortly, and was replaced by a soft, fond smile. "I think that's really nice, Ben."

Relief washed over him; he always valued Annie's opinion more than anyone else's. Sometimes he was afraid he'd get laughed at when he spoke about things so candidly, but Annie never, ever did. Not meanly, anyway. He could say some pretty out-there stuff sometimes, so the few times he might have laughed a little tiny bit, he understood and kind of agreed with.

"I wonder which one is mine..." "Which star, you mean?" "Yeah! I wonder if mine is up there right now, looking at us. That'd be so wizard."

A moment of contemplative silence passed between them as they gazed up at the sky, eyes searching in wonder. After several minutes, Annie lifted a finger and pointed. "That one."

"Huh? Which one?"

The older cousin scooted closer to him and leaned in, pointing off into the distance. "That blueish one right there. It's small, a little faint... but I think it's still new. One day, it'll get bigger and brighter than all the other stars. But for now, it's just waiting at the edge of the world for the sun to come back up so it can fade and rest. It's a sleepy star."

At that, Ben smiled and gave him a little nudge in the side with his elbow, before going to take his hand. He poked at his sleepiness now and then. He couldn't help it! He was still growing and sometimes he just got really bored and needed a nap.

"... I don't see yours. But I know it's out there. I'll keep looking and I'll find it and I'll show you! Okay?"

A slow smile blossomed on Annie's face, a quieter version of the one Ben was sporting. He nodded. "Yeah."

Pleased, Ben turned his gaze to the sky again, and leaned ever so gently against Annie, still holding to his hand.

He would find Annie's star, for sure! He couldn't wait to show it to him.

There, on that hill, he fell asleep on his friend's shoulder, as he often did. Warm and happy and comforted by his presence and his kindness. That love that he could feel in the other boy, he shared, in its entirety.

He always would.

This. Was so. WEIRD.

No one was around!

Annie was out with Sammi apparently, according to Jaina anyway, and Mom was in town. Not even his weirdo dad was around anywhere. Grampa was busy and Grampa Ben, too!

He was soooooooooooooooooooooo bored!!

Sighing in a huff, Ben wandered on down the hallway of the praxeum from his grandfather's office. He'd peered in on him, but because he was busy, he just stopped in for a hug and a brief chat before getting out of his hair. At least he got a promise to go to the junkyard later in the week! That was pretty wizard.

Ooh, maybe they could go to the podraces, too! He thought they were coming up... but wasn't quite sure when they were. Grampa always kept track of that sort of thing and treated the kids to a fun trip, work permitting. And even if work was in the way, well, he found a way to conveniently make it go away~

Usually in the form of Grampa Ben looking after things.

Ugggghhhh why couldn't the podraces be now?!

He needed something to do or he was going to go nuts. This place could be so boring sometimes. The most boring. Out of anywhere! He needed his own ship so he could go fly and do stuff when he didn't have anything else to do.

Geez, being alone was the worst. Ever.

If he really felt like it, he could train... but he never did that without Dad, outside of class. He wasn't sure he'd do it right. He'd never gone and done it alone before and he didn't want to get really super good at something and then discover he was doing it wrong. Hmph.

He leaned against the door to the bedroom he shared with Annie, a hand lazily coming up to paw at the doorknob. After letting himself in, he shut the door and shuffled over to his bed, collapsing face-first onto the blankets.

It would be several moments before he slowly turned onto his back and stared up at the ceiling.

He could study... or just read something for fun...

Wow, he was really bored if he was thinking about reading for FUN of all things. That wasn't fun! That was the worst. It'd just make him sleepy and he really didn't want to fall asleep. If he fell asleep, then he wouldn't be awake when Annie got home and he wanted to see him.

Annie was his favorite.

Just the best and most wonderful and kind and happy and nice and smart and attractive person ever!

....

... attractive? That was kind of a funny thing to think. But it was true.

Tall and tan and he was getting pretty muscly. His smile always made him really happy and it made him smile whenever he saw it. It was too hard not to. He gave off this warmth. It spread everywhere, especially in his chest.

Speaking of warmth, he could feel it in his face! Like his cheeks were burning or something. So weird. Turning onto his side, he fidgeted, thoughts straying further.

Annie's hugs were the best, too. You could just tell that he really, really cared, every time he gave you one. And he was always so good at taking care of him, ever since they were little! He'd do stuff that Mom did for him, when she wasn't around to do it herself, and it always made him feel so loved.

Smiling faintly, he curled up a little bit and closed his eyes.

Even just thinking about him made his heart so happy and calmed him.

Maybe one little tiny nap wouldn't be so bad... he wouldn't even know that he was waiting for him to get home, because he'd be sleeping! Yeah! That was a great idea!

Flopping over onto his other side, he grabbed his pillow and nuzzled it, settling into his blankets, letting out a soft breath.

It didn't take him long to fall asleep.

It never did.

"Dad! Dad! Check out what Grampa Ben found!"

This shouting echoed throughout the praxeum, along with the soft pitter-patter of feet belonging to the always overexcited Ben Skywalker.

Luke had just come out of one of the meditation rooms, feeling relaxed and refreshed, which now would likely not last very long. But that was alright; he didn't mind if Ben stole his calm away. He never minded when it was his boy. Putting on a slow, small smile, he reached out and caught his son as he approached.

Even in his teenaged years, Ben was never very good at putting on the brakes and often crashed into people.

"What is that you have? A holovideo?" Tilting his head slightly, Luke put a hand to his son's back and led him off toward one of the sitting rooms. It would be quieter there, and far more private than the hallway.

Going along with his father while nodding enthusiastically, Ben lifted the video and nodded, grinning. "Yup! Grampa Ben says it's from when you and Auntie were little and everybody lived together in Coruscant. Waaaaay back when Grampa was still Grand Justice!"

Laughing softly, Luke ruffled Ben's ginger curls. "It wasn't that long ago that Leia kicked him out of the hot seat. Ten years, maybe. Whenever Annie came to the praxeum..." A pause, as he gave it some thought. "It's hard to recall. I know the both of you started about the same time, but remembering when exactly it was is difficult, given that you would toddle off and sneak into classes when you were far too young.

His grin somehow widening, Ben looked up at his father. "You should have taken it as a sign that I was meant to start sooner." "I would have preferred it, but Grandpa said you were too young. So it wasn't possible."

“Oh, right. He doesn’t like the whole Jedi babystealing thing, huh. I keep forgetting about the old days.”

Snorting, Luke raised a brow. “What do you mean ‘forgetting’? I wasn’t even born then. Or are you diving into the past when I’m not looking, little one?” “Heeeey I’m not that little!” Ben countered, glaring up at his father. Sometimes it was utterly terrifying just how much the boy could resemble his mother.

“You are just as little as you should be. And you’ll probably stay this small. When I was about half your age, I was so certain I was going to be as tall as Grandpa. Boy was I wrong. But I get along just fine; there’s nothing wrong with being a bit smaller than the rest. Do you think that makes me any less strong?”

Trying not to smile as Ben’s eyes nearly crossed, he was apparently think oh so hard about it...

“Nope! I guess not! I don’t think you’d be any different if you were a different size. So being short doesn’t make me less strong or capable. Right?” “That’s very good. You were just a baby when he passed, but Master Yoda was half your size and he was the Jedi Grand Master for centuries. Size only matters for very superficial things; never for what’s truly important.”

Nodding thoughtfully, Ben walked into the lounge and went to have himself a seat on the couch. It felt good to speak to his father. It reminded him of how things used to be. He didn’t seem so closed or dark or scary right now.

He was having such a good time just talking that he’d nearly forgotten what he’d called upon his father for.

Nearly.

“Okay, check it out! I thought it was really cool.”

Ben clicked on the video and held it out for his father to watch.

-----------

"And here we are, having a delightful swim! Anakin, children, wave to the camera!"

Obi-Wan's voice, a bit older and more worn than it was now.

The camera was focused on the large outdoor pool that was attached to the old family apartment that Anakin still possessed. They were all out for a leisurely fun time, Leia on Anakin's back as he swam laps around the pool. Luke was sitting on the edge off to the side, kicking his feet lightly in the water, not looking anywhere near as happy or excited as Leia. He merely watched the other two enjoy themselves.

The Skywalker twins were no older than nine.

There wasn't much to the video; Leia and Anakin being loud and exhuberant as they always were, Luke keeping to himself as the others had fun. Anakin threatening to come throw him into the pool~

Which did happen. Twice. After the second time, the holovideo went crashing to the floor and turned off, marking the end of the recording.

-------------

When it was over, Ben looked to his father as if waiting for happy comments. Instead, what he saw, was a look of utter conflict.

Luke turned the video in again and reached out to the image of Anakin, as if he could touch it. Touch him.

"It's my father..." He stated quietly. "It's him. Before he died. I... it's been a long time since I've seen him."

....oooooookaaaay. Now Ben was confused. "You see Grampa every day. It's only been a few hours since breakfast, Dad." Which was when they both saw him last.

"No," Luke said, shaking his head. "This is my father. My real father." The time period, his appearance, and above all else his ungloved mechanical arm made it clear. It was before he'd died and found peace in the Force. When he was conflicted still, when he understood what it was like to be so full of confusion and turmoil.

Just like Luke was now.

"... he would understand me." Swallowing back a heavy lump in his throat, Luke turned the video off and handed it back to Ben, forcing a small smile when he could feel the worry so plainly radiating from the boy.

Chuckling, he swung an arm around his shoulders and pulled him in close to kiss his forehead, speaking into his hair as his cheek rested atop his head.

"Thank you for showing me. It was nice to see back into those days... I'd forgotten what it was like, before we were torn apart. It wasn't long after that when your Aunt Sarai came into our lives and Grandpa Ben had to leave." They'd finally been a family, and so quickly it had all changed...

"That's why Aunt Leia hates Aunt Sarai, isn't it?" While the other adults didn't talk about it, or insisted to the children that there was no animosity between the two, Ben had always felt otherwise. It was a poison in Auntie Leia's heart that he hoped could someday be cured, but his hopes weren't too high... she epitomized their Skywalker stubbornness.

His father, however, almost never hid anything from him. "That's right. She'll give you some nonsense about embarrassing her years ago, but it all comes down to blaming Sarai for your grandfathers parting ways."

"But whose fault was it then?" "No one's." Luke insisted, giving him a tap on the nose. "Don't be quick to find fault in people. They both had their own reasons for separating and if you'd like to know more, you can ask either of them. But don't go looking to find anyone guilty."

There were reasons behind everything. Who was right to pass judgment and deem anything good or bad?

"Okay. I think I understand. I'm gonna go show Annie now, okay? They're supposed to be back from the junkyard with Uncle Han anytime now!"

Amused as ever by his son's energy, Luke gave a last kiss to his forehead and released him. "Alright. Have fun. Don't forget we're going into the city for dinner tonight."

Perking up, Ben opened his mouth to speak-- "Yes, Annie can come too if he doesn't have any further plans with Han."

He knew his son all too well.

Laughing and giving his father a brief hug, Ben got up and ran off, nearly skidding into the door on his way out.

Really, Luke did wonder if you could attach brakes to a person like you could a speeder...

Shaking his head at that thought, Luke stood and made his way from the room quietly to find Proxy.

There was an old module he wanted to become reacquainted with.

WHOOSH

ZZZOOOOM WHOOSH

Lightsabers clashed in the air, sparks flying as the two Skywalker boys fought. It was father vs son and father was absolutely winning.

"You're thinking too much, Ben. You need to let go in a battle. Let the Force guide you." Luke said, frowning as he noticed his son beginning to get frustrated. Ben was always a bit too eager to show off and prove himself... just as he had been, as a boy.

Silently, he thanked his lucky stars that Ben was a much better behaved child than he was. He was absolutely proud of the boy; sure, he clung to Mara a bit much, but he couldn't begrudge him that after growing up without a mother, himself.

"I am!" Ben complained, charging his father and huffing as his strike was deflected with ease.

"Your emotions are guiding you." "But isn't the Force all my feelings? Why shouldn't they guide me? It's always 'trust your feelings, Young Ben,'" Luke laughed, amused that even his boy had an impression of Uncle Ben, "and carry on. Always with the carry on but I can't carry on because I always lose and this is dumb!" The ginger boy exclaimed, throwing his lightsaber to the ground.

Blond brows shot up in surprise and Luke flicked off his lightsaber, stepping over to his son. "Hey, now. You were doing really well. Don't get so discouraged." He smiled, going to take Ben's face in his hands and kiss his forehead.

"I don't wanna practice any more today." Was his sulky reply.

Chuckling, Luke nodded and picked up the lightsaber Ben had cast aside, going to clip it back to his belt; it was one of his own that he'd made. They still used practice sabers in class, but Luke thought it was more effective to use a real one, for it gave a sense of danger and extra care all at once, which helped give oneself over to the Force.

Anxiety was actually a good way to lose yourself to the Force. Once you did, then the calm would come; it was how Luke often accessed such power, being as jumpy as he was at times. Unfortunately, Ben didn't seem to grasp the concept quite yet. Either that, or he accessed the Force in a different way. It differed from person to person. They just may not have found his path quite yet.

"Very well. We can go inside and steal what's left of Grampa's bread pudding." "That's foolishly assuming Sammi hasn't already..." Ben replied dryly, making his father laugh.

"That's very true. Well, come on then!" Luke turned and knelt, letting his boy jump onto his back, carrying him piggyback toward the praxeum.

They were quite a distance away. They had to be. If Mara knew he sparred with Ben using real lightsabers, he'd be in serious trouble.

"I think we should get some milk too, Dad!" Ben said matter-of-factly. They always had milk, all the time! His Dad said that if he drank enough then he'd grow big and strong just like Grandpa, but the boy was starting to have his doubts. Everyone was taller than him, even the girls! Even Brinn! And he was basically a girl and way younger, so it wasn't fair!

HMPH.

"I sense a little irritation in you..." Luke glanced back at his son with a smile, giving him a little bounce. "Need to talk?"

Shaking his head, Ben let go of those sulky feelings and flashed a tiny smile, hugging his father tightly around the neck. "Nope, it was just silly stuff. I'm okay, Dad!"

"Well, if you're sure. You know that I'm always going to be here for you, no matter what you need. I'd never, ever abandon you. No matter what!" "Even if I decide to be a junk dealer or a fisherman or join Hallie's pirate crew?!" Ben grinned, resting his chin on his father's shoulder.

Laughing, Luke nodded. "Absolutely! Whatever you want to do is fine with me. I'll always be with you and support you. It's really important for a father to do that."

"Did Grampa not support you?" Ben asked, curious because of how his father worded that statement. It made it seem like he didn't have that sort of relationship. Dad and Grampa weren't all that close, but sometimes they could be!

Humming quietly to himself in thought, Luke took a moment, unsure of how to proceed. He wasn't going to lie to Ben, nor would he badmouth his father to the boy.

"Grampa and I clashed a lot when I was your age. Disagreed about a lot of things. I got hurt easily and he got frustrated really easily... we're not too alike, but we have similar reactions to things. And by that, I mean we overreact to basically everything." Chuckling, he glanced back over his shoulder, offering his boy a smile. "It was hard. But I think we both made it through okay. Things turned out fine in the end."

"Yeah. Yeah, I think so too. I love Grampa a lot. He's great." "Yeah.. yeah, he really is. I was a lucky boy. I just couldn't see it at all back then. But don't you dare tell him how mushy I'm getting, okay?"

"Okay, Dad!" Though he absolutely would gush to him later on. Hehehe~

Seeing that they just about made it to the praxeum, Ben wiggled and hopped off of his father's back, running toward the doors. "I'm gonna beat you there and eat alllll the pudding and drink all the milk! HA!" "Hey, now! Be kind to your old man!" Luke rushed after him, though he kept his distance, going to let his son win. It made him happy, afterall. Ben was so easy to please.

He loved life at the praxeum with his family. He couldn't be happier, wouldn't change a thing. Life was perfect.

--------------------------------
--------------------------------

It had been several days since they'd been rescued from that creepy place. Ben had practically been glued to his mother's side, though he still snuck off to see Annie and play with him whenever he could. That place had fogged his mind and made it hard to concentrate for a while, but he felt better now. There was just one thing bothering him... his dad.

Dad hadn't quite been the same since their return. Sure, he was there a lot longer, but this was more than his head being crowded with thoughts and bad feelings. This was something much worse. Ben just couldn't quite put his finger on it.

So, he decided to find out!

Mom was off somewhere, he wasn't quite sure where - in town buying him something, maybe?! he hoped so, that would be wizard! - so he went off to find his father. If they talked for a little bit, he thought he could probably figure out what was wrong with him and help out. Dad always did the same for him when something was wrong.

He knew people underestimated him a lot. This could be a good chance to prove them wrong, too!

Wandering through the praxeum, the ginger boy sought out his father, feelings leading him toward the balcony near the dining area. There weren't many kids around; most were resting in their rooms, the others opting to spend time in the meditation rooms or sparring with fellow students. He was the only one there by the time he arrived, and he frowned upon seeing his father.

He was standing there in the rain, wearing nothing but black cotton pants, his glove missing -- but instead of the familiar glint of metal, it was all flesh, which caught his attention immediately. Tilting his head, he winced as the icy drops hit him, approaching his father's side, going to take that hand which should have been mechanical, but was no longer.

"Dad...?"

"Ben." Luke acknowledged softly, slowly turning his head to offer a faint smile. He shifted then and went to pull the boy right up against his soaked torso, stroking his curls. "My boy. You shouldn't be out here. You'll catch a cold."

"Yeah well you shouldn't either, then!" He turned his blue eyes upward to meet his father's own, lips jutting out in a pout inherited from his grandfather. "It's really cold and wet and I don't like it so you should come in, okay?"

Chuckling lowly, Luke gave a nod and turned, holding Ben's hand still as he led the boy inside, not seeming to care about the water he was shedding in his wake. "Very well. We shall go in. Tea, I believe, is in order. It will do us both some good."

... he sure was talking funny. So formal and weird. Ben decided immediately that he didn't like that very much. It wasn't fun or Dad-like.

"Yeah, okay I guess." "You guess?" "Well, I'd rather have warm milk but then I'd get sleepy. But then again Annie says I'm always sleepy and what we do always depends on how sleepy I am but I'm not that sleepy right now. So I guess it doesn't matter either way.

"Such an odd boy. I wonder where you get that from." Luke squeezed his son's hand, fairly amused by his ranting.

Ben looked at their hands after his father squeezed his, suddenly reminded-- "How come your hand is real?"

Glancing down at their hands as well, Luke shrugged a single shoulder. "Does it frighten you that my hand is real?" "Well, no. I was just curious. It's kind of weird that it's real. You lost it way before I was born, right? You can't just grow a new hand." "Oh? You can't?"

Huh. Well. He didn't think so, but, "I... I guess you could? I mean if you knew how..."

"And assuming that's true, what does that mean?"

A pause, as Ben thought. Then, "That you know how?"

"Very good, son. I know how." He affirmed, giving his hand yet another squeeze. "And someday soon, I will show you how. Skywalker men have a tendency to lose hands. Such a skill may prove to be quite valuable to you someday. Though I hope you'll never have to use it."

Blinking, Ben nodded, saying nothing. This was all just getting stranger.

He swung their hands lightly as they walked, happy to be near his Dad, even if he wasn't quite himself. Usually he could feel something from him, anything, even if it was just something like if he was in a good mood or not. And he usually was! But right now it was kind of like he was.. well, a blob. Of nothing. Ben didn't know what to make of it, yet.

"We'll go out to train later. We've gotten behind due to the incident. I have much to teach you. Beyond just lightsaber technique, now. There are so many things about the Force, far beyond what you and anyone else here can even imagine... but soon, you will know it all. You will know everything, and you will learn what great power is."

"Power?" He'd never talked about power before. Knowledge, peace, happiness... those were always what they discussed before. Now he was really, really worried.

"The power to defend yourself and the ones you love. But also, the power to gain in life those things which you desire, more than any other. I will show you how. As my son, you will learn to build a life that most men can only dream of. You will be happy."

Ben wanted to argue that he was pretty happy, now, but didn't think Dad would like that very much.

He already had a really good life. Loving parents, even if one was super weird right now, and a big family.

There was Annie, too. He stood out from the family, in so many ways. He was always the kindest to him, they were best friends. Inseparable. The very few times Annie had to leave to visit his parents, Ben missed him very much and was lost without him. In his heart, he knew that he loved him. Maybe a little more than a cousin and friend probably should, but did it really matter? He didn't think so.

Just thinking of Annie brought a warm smile to his face. He leaned in closer to his father without realizing, only coming out of his thoughts when he noticed they'd come to a stop and his father was inspecting him with an unreadable expression. "Dad...?" He questioned, startled.

"... I'm going to shower. I must get out of these clothes." A beat. "... perhaps you are far more like me than I realized." He mumbled to himself, much to Ben's confusion.

"Why don't you go find Anakin? I'll meet you both in the kitchen for tea in about twenty minutes. We can have a bit of boy-time."

"Oh. Okay!" Ben agreed easily, giving his father a hug around the waist before turning on his heel and immediately running off to find his cousin. He was too excited by the thought of all hanging out together that he forgot he'd originally set out to find out just why his father was acting so weird.

Whoops!

He could do that later. And with Annie's help! He was so much better with the Force and stuff than he was, anyway.

“This is absurd... ridiculous... idiotic... and just completely unfair!”

Cora’s voice - far more high-pitched than usual - echoed down the halls of the palace on Keldabe. She currently stood pacing in the large parlor where her mother tended to have her afternoon tea. Sarai sat in her chair, looking quite patient as her eldest child appeared to be losing her ever-present calm.

The Duchess herself had been quite troubled ever since they returned to Naboo with the kidnapped children. Between the way they were able to so effortlessly steal the girls away and how her darling heir had been behaving ever since, she knew there was something else afoot, but simply couldn’t pin down what it was, even with hours of deep meditation.

Beyond that, it seemed that a young love had blossomed in her girl’s heart and showed no signs of wilting. Such a thing would normally please her greatly, but this had gone far beyond what one would call a ‘crush’. Rather, it was an obsession that did not seem to wane even with the time they had spent apart. Corran had seen the brunt of this possessiveness and had immediately become worried, suggesting that perhaps it would be best if Cora came home for a while.

Cora, however, was none too pleased with the arrangement.

Thus leading them to where they were. Day three of being home together and Cora, having realized this was not a small vacation, but something that was quite permanent in her mother’s mind, was expressing her frustrations quite vocally.

“You cannot keep me here. What of my studies? What of my siblings? What of--” “Jacen?” Sarai questioned, arching a delicate brow. “From what I hear, he hasn’t even noticed you’ve gone.” It was a bit cruel to point out, she knew, but if it was the truth, then she couldn’t keep it from her. “Jacen has returned to his studies along with the rest of the praxeum students, none the wiser of your absence, darling.”

Her mother’s words cut her straight through to the bone, leaving an icy cold in their wake. Such a thing-- it couldn’t be true. She sensed no deception, but she still could not believe that he hadn’t the faintest idea she’d been stolen away!

“He has not gone to your father to ask, nor has he gone to Hallie. From what I’ve heard, he has been spending his time with his sister. Just as he should be, given the circumstances.” Sarai sipped delicately at her tea, setting the saucer aside as she stood and approached her daughter, smiling as she took her face into her hands. “You must see that this love is one-sided. He does not feel so deeply for you, the way that you do him. Please come to recognize this as fact. Do not delude yourself. Do not lose who you are in your feelings for this boy.”

“You don’t understand...” Cora said, her voice choked as tears sprang to her eyes. “He is my family, I--” “Cora, this boy is not your family--” “Aliit ori'shya tal'din!” She exclaimed, voice high once again.

Surprise showed in Sarai’s eyes and her smile softened, giving a light nod. “Gar serim, ad’ika.” Chuckling, she leaned in to kiss her forehead and give her hair a gentle stroke, nodding again. “... to you, he is, then. But that does not change how he feels, for himself. It is nothing you can control. You cannot force him to reciprocate your feelings. If it is meant to be, then it will happen when it is meant to. Do you understand?”

Sniffling, Cora nodded and glanced away as her mother wiped gently at her tears. “Yes. I do.” "That's a good girl. Now, finish your tea. We've quite the evening ahead of us. I've arranged for some shopping and we'll dine at your favorite little hovel."

That news managed to brighten Cora's eyes, if only just. She took in a deep breath and squeezed her mother's hands before going to take her seat again, Sarai joining her.

__________________________

That night, Cora dreamt.

It was a strange view; nothing but grey around her, surrounding her like a fog. It was cold and she was floating, there were ripples all around her - maybe it was water, instead?

She didn’t know. It was too difficult to think. She always got confused so easily, could never quite remember things as well as others could... but it all felt so very familiar. Floating in a sea of nothing, of confusion, just praying for some sort of light to guide her way and make it all clear.

Letting out a soft sigh, she closed her eyes and allowed herself to float in this cold, familiar void. This... everything about it was like it was when she was awake; clouded, ephemeral, never quite made sense. Sometimes it was difficult for her to tell up from down. She had to rely on her feelings to guide her more than her own thoughts and logic because she couldn’t trust it to be right. It was one aspect of Force training that she had truly benefitted from: not needing to see to know her own surroundings.

Opening her eyes once again, she saw that the fog above her was peculiarly thin. Bizarre. She began to take in a breath when rather suddenly, her body was pulled backward, beneath the dark water she’d been floating in. Water poured into her mouth, filling her lungs, choking her. She twisted and tried to struggle to no avail. As she opened her eyes, feeling her strength leave her, she saw pinpricks of brightness above.

Through the dark water and through the fog, she could see them so clearly, as if there were nothing hiding them at all. She reached upward, grasping at that light as she felt her back hit a hard surface--

Jerking awake, Cora sat straight up, gasping for air. Her hands went to her throat, panicked, one going to slide up into her hair as she tried to calm down and regain control of her mental faculties. After a few moments of shaking, the panic subsided and she was left sitting in bed, eyes wide.

She could see.

Not that she couldn’t before, but it was different now, somehow. So clear. Completely different.

Something like this, something so startling, would normally frighten her terribly! However, she felt nothing but peace. Smiling, she sat there for a moment, simply running a hand through her hair, then brushing a finger down her cheek. Everything was... so open, so clear. It felt right. There was an intense, all-encompassing feeling of understanding. There was no fog blurring her vision or clouding her senses.

This clarity was so striking, so invigorating. Throwing back her blankets, she jumped out of bed, gleeful at how swift her reflexes were. She could move easily, unhindered by her old, crippling fear that seemed to have left her completely. Running forward, she thought back to her lessons and the things she was too afraid to try; cartwheels, safety rolls, back handsprings. She executed them all perfectly, her eyes closed all the while, using her senses to guide herself without hitting anything or injuring herself.

Absolutely giddy, she went to stare at herself in the mirror and continued to do so for some time. She could truly see and appreciate what was before her. This was a feat she had never quite been able to accomplish before. Never had she held the confidence to smile at her own reflection and know that she was her own guide.

Then, it struck her: he had to see this, too.

If he saw this, understood this side of her, was able to see her just as clearly as she could now see herself, then surely he would return her feelings! Jacen would not turn a blind eye to her any longer.

That meant she had to escape.

Quickly, she rushed to her dresser, pulling out simple travelling clothes and changing; leggings, a tight sweater, boots. Her cloak soon followed. She tied her hair back into a practical knot before donning her hood and slipping out into the hallway. Glancing to and fro, she was relieved that there were few guards stationed at this time of night; Mandalore was so peaceful that such a thing would be viewed as silly under normal circumstances. Obviously her mother didn’t harbor a single fear of her attempting to leave.

Foolish.

Cora snuck her way down the hall, managing to hide and slip past any who did happen to be patrolling nearby. The hangar wasn’t far from the residential wing; she made the short journey in only a few minutes. Finding it to be just as sparsely guarded as the halls, she easily made her way to the closest transport ship. It was small, private. On her own, she had never flown but on simulators. However, she was quite confident she would be able to manage.

The moment she snuck up the gangway and to the cockpit, she sat and took a moment to close her eyes and breathe. Relax. Meditate. Letting her memories flow, her lessons quickly returned to her, unhindered any longer by the fog. Her hands flew over the controls and it wasn’t until she had safely left the atmosphere and gone into hyperspace, coordinates set for Naboo, that she opened her eyes again.

Wow.

Sitting back, she grinned, the pride she had in herself overwhelmingly strong.

She was worthy of him now. She had to show him. He would accept her.

As she closed her eyes again, intending on getting some rest, she wondered briefly how long it would take her mother to contact her father. Hmm. Well, now that she could think, she was positive that she could bypass him and get to Jacen before anyone managed to stop her.

Drifting off, she smiled, feeling a mischievous little glimmer of hope that she would get the opportunity to try.

"Ouch..."

Cora whispered softly, going to suck on the finger she'd just pricked on a needle. She'd been sewing a pair of pants that had gotten a tear in the seam. They weren't her pants, no, they were Jacen's.

And... he had no idea she was mending them for him, for she may have.. well. Gone into his room and taken them from his dirty clothes pile, after she'd seen him tear them during his training outside. From her hiding place in the bushes.

Satisfied that only a small drop of blood had come out, and the tiny pin wound wasn't bleeding any more than that, she got back to her sewing, sitting on Jacen's bed. She'd brought her sewing kit with her, as it was easier to go in and mend them there than steal them and return later; she'd done that before and it was a bit of a hassle.

It was only a few short minutes before she'd finished and delicately set his pants back in the pile... that is, after pressing them to her face and taking in a big whiff. Ahhh... his scent was.. well, it was just him and that's all she cared about! He'd been spending time with his sister and brother ever since they were rescued and his parents were even still on the planet, so she'd barely seen him at all!

She missed him so..

Turning back to look at his bed, she grinned, then ran over and launched herself onto it, rolling around in his blankets and hugging his pillow tightly to her chest. It smelled of him, it was like she was really holding him close to her~

Giggling to herself, she imagined what it would be like if he were there with her, cuddling with her, kissing her neck and whispering sweet nothings into her ear. That would be heaven!

Cora stayed in his bed for several minutes before deciding that she shouldn't risk staying there much longer; he could return at any time. Or worse, one of his parents could catch her!

Thus, she got up and went to the door, peering out of it before silently slipping out and beginning to walk down the hall, feeling she was in the clear. That is, before Luke suddenly came around the corner and blocked her way.

Blue eyes went wide as she stared up at him, her Uncle of sorts, and she wasn't sure what he wanted. But the way he was looking at her... did he know? It felt like he knew something, or.. well, she wasn't sure at all! But she suddenly felt a tiny bit of fear blossoming in her chest.

"Cora, my sweet, how are you?" Came his voice, silky smooth.

It was strange to hear him speak to her that way. New. Different. She wasn't the type to get suspicious, however, so she just managed a fairly vacant smile. "I'm very well, Uncle Luke, thank you. And yourself? You slept for so long, everyone was so very worried for your health."

"Which was kind. Thank you." Advancing on her, he went to take her chin in one hand, his free hand going to slide through her long blonde hair. "... Jacen is quite handsome, isn't he?"

"W-what?" Cora jumped at his question, startled that he'd be brought up.

"Jacen, my nephew. The soon-to-be love of your life? He's handsome. Dedicated. Powerful. If you manage to catch his attention, his devotion to you could guide him through anything. You would be his pillar, would you not?"

"... absolutely." She breathed softly, staring at Luke, her eyes a bit wide. It was like he could see directly into her soul, see her desires laid out in plain sight. That was precisely what she wanted; to have his attention, for him to love her and allow her to help in any way he could possibly ever need.

"... he's a bit blind, though, isn't he? He knows, but he hasn't acted quite yet." Luke's arm went gently around Cora's waist and he pulled her close, brushing some hair from her ear as he leaned in, lips to her ear, whispering, "Why don't you force his hand? Make him accept you. Show him how powerful your love for him is. He will not know any other way."

As he spoke to her, her face heated, her mind getting lost in those thoughts. What the future could hold for them if she had the courage to take him. To own him.

.. wait, own? How had that thought come into her head? No, that wasn't right...

"He should own you." She thought she heard whispered to her, in Luke's voice, but that wasn't quite right, was it?

Feeling faint, she leaned against her uncle for support, sighing as she closed her eyes and returned his hug, feeling a warm, firm hand rubbing circles on her back.

"A little rest will get you right where you need to be. Allow me to escort you." And without further ado, Luke swept her into his arms and carried her down the hall toward her bedroom, but instead changed his mind at the last minute, smirking to himself as he went to Corran's room, instead. He would be teaching right now, so he let himself in and laid his oldest daughter out on his bed.

He thought they could use a little chat.

That would be fun, for the both of them. Especially if she decided to spill to her father about her intense little crush~ which she would, of course. He'd see to planting that idea into her head. It wouldn't take long.

Moving her hair from her face, going to neatly arrange her on top of the blankets, he smiled. "Your father should know the role you have decided for yourself."

"Father..?" What a funny thought. Luke was right, though. Father would want to know that she decided to... to...

"Devote your life to the man you love. He is yours and you are his. There's nothing anyone can do to change that. Afterall, don't you love him more than anything?"

"Of course I do... I love Jacen. I've always loved Jacen. Father should know that I plan on marrying him and living with him and having his children and doing anything and absolutely everything for him that he could ever want me to..." Cora let her feelings just spill out unabashedly; it was so easy, somehow. Her heart was open. She couldn't keep it contained.

"Of course. And he loves you. You just need to show him that he does. Now, get some rest." Leaning in, he kissed her forehead and got up. "Nap well, sweet girl."

"Thank you.." Cora turned onto her side, smiling at her Uncle Luke as he left, eyes drifting closed when he was gone. Faintly, in the back of her mind, she wondered why she was in her father's room... hmm. And mere moments later, she wondered how or when she'd gotten there...

... ah, well. She needed to wait until her father returned before she could leave. She felt so compelled to stay, that she absolutely couln't until they chatted.

So she'd wait however long it took.

BEEP BEEP BEEP

SMACK.

Jaina turned over in bed, glaring faintly at the alarm clock sitting on her bedside table, hand still lying over it from forcefully shutting it off.

Stupid thing was always so loud.

Rolling back over onto her side, she curled up tighter in her green down comforter, humming softly, briefly, as she basked in the warmth of her bed. This was probably her most favorite place. It was secure and comfy and rarely did anyone bother her when she was there, because they knew that it was a death sentence to disturb her when she was sleeping.

Yeah, she wasn't exactly kind in the morning.

There were few exceptions. Two, to be exact: Jacen and Anakin. They were possibly the only two people to ever see her smile upon waking.

How could she fault her baby brothers for seeking her out? Especially in the morning. She took on caring for them from a rather early age, after seeing that her mother certainly wasn't going to shape up and be a mom. At first, how unattached she was seemed so normal... until she got older and really noticed how Aunt Sarai and Uncle Corran behaved.

Uncle Luke and Aunt Mara. Even Grandfather and Obi-Wan! Sammi's mother wasn't married to anyone, but she had such a good relationship with her grandfather and Obi-Wan, that were one to guess, they would think she had to be married to one of them. They were all so close and warm and embraced all of the children happily... but not her parents.

Her mother in particular. Even while her father was busy, he still called. Visited. Sent a random gift now and then if he thought about it, especially when he was feeling guilty about not seeing her for a while. All her mother did was send money and messages requesting updates on class and grades and such, which were impersonal reports that she could get from Grandfather or a teacher just as easily.

What a bother.

Blue eyes drifted toward the window, rays of sunlight starting to peek through the curtains. With a sigh, she resigned herself to the fact that she just wasn't going to be able to get back to sleep with all of these thoughts in her head. She'd forgotten it was a non-instructional day, otherwise that alarm wouldn't have woken her in the first place.

Oh well. Pushing back her comforter, she got out of bed and took a hairtie from her table, binding her mane back into a ponytail, before sitting on the floor to get to stretching. She always went for a jog in the morning before the day got started. It helped to clear her head and prepare her for the tasks ahead.

She'd barely managed to get started when she heard her door slowly creak open a crack. Immediately, she got to her feet and went to investigate and was surprised to see Sammi there, in her pajamas, smiling sheepishly. "Hey.."

"Hey, yourself. What are you doing up this early?" "Could ask you the same. You're usually the sleep monster." Sammi smiled at her niece and slipped into the bedroom, rubbing her arms, looking toward the bed.

"I was just feeling a little lonely. Bored. I couldn't sleep... been up for a while. So I was going to crawl into your bed like a creeper for company. Hope you don't mind." "Oh, no, by all means. Sneak into my bed while I'm sleeping. Spoon me too, if you feel like it." Jaina laughed quietly to herself, going to sit on the edge of the bed. Maybe that jog would have to wait afterall.

Laughing with her, Sammi went to the bed and jumped on Jaina, going to tackle her down onto the mattress and wrap her legs around her, rolling over and about, being a pest as she always was. "Ooh, I have permission, now? I won't have to sneak anymore!"

"What do you mean anymore?!" Jaina rolled with her and squirmed, trying to get away, but when that didn't work, she settled with smacking Sammi repeatedly on her rear, resulting in the other girl yelping in surprise and scooting back on the bed. With hands clasped over her mouth and wide eyes, she paused, hoping she didn't wake anyone else with that loud outburst... she didn't feel any disturbances at least, which was good, so she decided to settle down beneath Jaina's blanket.

"I thought for a second that I was going to wake half the praxeum. Oops."

With a shake of her head, Jaina joined her beneath her comforter, curling up comfortably as she looked at her friend. "I will never understand how you manage to have so much energy this early in the morning. Or ever, you big freak of nature." She kicked lightly at her, just to tease.

"Just lucky, I guess." Sammi winked and closed her eyes, letting out a sigh. There were times that she felt so alone, but didn't want to go bothering her mom or papa because they always worried needlessly. Being near someone, anyone, helped. It was all the better when this person was a good friend. She truly appreciated the other girl's companionship.

"Your thoughts are loud, too." The other girl remarked, looking her over. Sammi was always such a weird one. Full of energy and life and love and everything that should encompass a person of her upbringing, status, genes... she was beautiful and interesting and talented. Not much like Jaina, herself, in her opinion, but quite the opposite.

At times she felt a vague jealousy for the other girl. For her successes and skills, as well as the love of her family. They were part of the same larger family, of course, but she'd never have the relationship with her parents that Sammi had with hers. She was happy that her friend had those opportunities, but it left a part of her that was full of longing. While she tried her best to ignore it, she couldn't always.

Getting lost in her thoughts, Jaina didn't even realize that Sammi had been staring at her. She was about to ask what was wrong, when the girls hand came over and started rubbing her face, petting her like a house animal.

"Shhh, be a good Jaina. Just go to sleep. It'll alllll be better in the morning."

... of course, Jaina was tempted to argue that she had already slept, she felt quite awake, and it was morning, but it wasn't always a good idea to use that logic-thing against Sammi. She always found a way around it to make herself right.

A Skywalker trait.

Oddly, she did find herself getting tired again. That was strange.. she was just wide awake. But. Mm.. the bed was getting cushier, it felt like, and she was so calm...

Once Jaina was asleep, Sammi smiled, pleased. That girl thought way too much for her own good. She was always stewing about this or that and while she knew it wasn't right to influence someone the way she just had, she thought her friend deserved to sleep in and relax a bit. She always worked so hard. Never for recognition, or glory, or anything selfish like that.

Everything that Jaina did was for her family. To take care of them now and to be able to take care of them in the future. Those brothers of hers meant the world to her. Her father, too. If only she could see past her mother's faults and start to forgive her so her inner scars could heal.

Not that Sammi had room to talk. She knew her sister disliked her, purely out of jealousy. While she wanted to give Leia the benefit of the doubt, she knew that this was neglect. Not intentional by any means, but her children needed her and she was never there. It was to the point where they didn't even call her because she was too busy to even say 'hi' in their minds.

And that, to Sammi, was the saddest thing.

Maybe she'd have to give her a call later on and see if she could get things at least set on the right track. Leia wouldn't listen to her, and would probably be furious at her for butting in, but she had to try. Maybe Han was a better way to go?

Hmm.

Well, she'd figure it out. For now, Jaina was sleeping, and that was a plan she was so on board with. Settling in beside her, nice and warm, she let herself slip off into slumber.

It was mid-morning when Cora began to pack.

She'd been considering this move for quite some time. The praxeum had done her some good over the last few years; her fear toward the Force had waned if only just, and she had managed to learn some battle skills, though the other students were far ahead of her in that regard.

Everything was too much for her. She thought that she could handle it, because Jacen was near. He lent her his strength, he helped her, tutored her. It was wonderful and she cherished that time that they had together, but he never... truly saw her. He didn't seem to understand her feelings at all.

Amplifying her loneliness and desire for love, was a recent trip she'd made to Mandalore. There were royal duties to attend to, as the heir, and she'd had to miss several days in order to fulfill them. She was about the age now where she would have to be doing that more often, and she'd recently become adult-age...

... with Jacen having no interest in her, there was no reason for her to stay at the praxeum anymore.

She'd purchased transport from Naboo already; her freighter didn't leave for several hours. She hadn't told either parent yet, nor any friends. She wasn't intending on doing so until she had already left Naboo.

No one here would truly miss her, and everyone on Mandalore would be delighted to have her company. Of that, she was sure. Even though it was so close to graduation, it was best to leave. She believed that fully.

After getting one bag packed with trinkets and such that she considered absolute necessities, she decided she felt faint - overwhelmed, really - and slipped out of her bedroom to go and fetch some water. Because she had been packing, she was more unkempt than usual. Typically, her long hair was always tied back out of her face, but it was free, cascading over her back and shoulders much like her mother's did. Her dress was thin-strapped, a bit low-cut and the skirt above the knee. The only thing typical about her appearance was the fact that she was barefoot.

She hated shoes. Always went about without them whenever she possibly could. Especially outside.

Sighing softly, she vaguely hoped in the back of her mind that she wouldn't run in to anyone. It was just to get a touch of water, a little sustenance... then back to her plans. She didn't want to get caught. Hallie was always out this time of day so there was no risk there; the biggest risk would be her emotions betraying her.

So few people could read her, though, and the only ones who stood a chance were supposed to be out in town this afternoon... thank goodness.

It had been an exciting few days!

Well, not to Ben, but people seemed pretty happy. Grampa was off doing work and Sammi was uh, somewhere, the twins were doing their usual machiney stuff and.. oh yeah! Cora came to the praxeum finally.

That sure took long enough. She probably had to go into the baby level classes though, since she didn't wanna do anything with the Force. He thought about going to talk to her but she'd been sticking close to Jacen and he didn't really like him very much, so he tended to do stuff alone. Unless Annie was around! Annie always wanted to hang out and do stuff. He wasn't sure where he was right now, though.

He had intended on going to look for him, but he made the mistake of going through the kitchen on his way to searching, and had gotten very distracted by fresh blue milk and cookies. Thus, he was lingering there, stuffing his face happily.

Finally, the day had come.

It was a long time in the making; Cora understood her parents' desire for her to gain use of her Force abilities by attending the praxeum, she truly did, but it had taken her until her 15th birthday to agree. As a present to them, in a way. She had gotten over her more extreme shyness, though she was still very quiet and reserved.

A less emotive version of her mother, many might say.

Though she was older than most children who began lessons at the praxeum, she wasn't going in a completely blank slate. She had allowed her parents to privately tutor her at home during times she felt comfortable. Besides, her mother was around this age when she began her own classes and she learned very well. Cora didn't think it would be an issue.

Walking into the entrance hall, on her father's arm, the young blonde looked around, glad that there was no one immediately lingering about. That would make her nervous. She was already very nervous, having kept this a secret from everyone but her parents and grandfathers. A fun surprise for her siblings and cousins. Or so she hoped it would be.

"It's so large, though I've grown so tall..." She remarked gently, gaze ever so curious. While she had grown, she hadn't gotten any taller than her father quite yet. While she could have been close to a carbon copy of her mother, she did have some Halcyon genes in there somewhere, and this was one of the ways they showed.

"... I'm a bit apprehensive. Don't let go." A gentle request, her anxiety kicking up doubts. She knew this was the right decision, the best one for her, but a good part of her still wanted to whip around and run right back out the door.

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Ben | Jaina | Cora

August 2013

S	M	T	W	T	F	S
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4	5	6	7	8	9	10
11	12	13	14	15	16	17
18	19	20	21	22	23	24
25	26	27	28	29	30	31

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Page Summary

Sammi plus Ben's departure
Roboben's decision
Ben's post-annie musings
New techniques; a fieldtrip! Ben and Luke
Ben's memories
Ben's boredom
Luke and Ben; an old video
Luke and Ben // before & after snippets
Sarai and Cora; Cora's escape
Cora gets creeped on by Luke
Jaina and Sammi
new era log v: cora's departure?
new era log iii: ben and annie
New era log ii: cora's first day

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